


Unacceptable loss.

by griffns283



Category: Bellarke - Fandom
Genre: Bellarke, Bellarke Canon, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-30
Updated: 2018-12-30
Packaged: 2019-09-30 14:17:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,952
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17225612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/griffns283/pseuds/griffns283
Summary: one shot bellarke ff set up after 5x08;“Clarke, o was going to kill you.""So- so it was her or me"It wasn't exactly a question but it sounded like it by her voice's tone.He nodded slightly."So-" she repeated it. "So- you chose me."  »





	Unacceptable loss.

Clarke was laying in a corner of the cold and moist cell where she had been thrown after being arrested for Kara Cooper's murder.

She had assured bellamy wouldn't take the guilt of that action, and had tried to convince him, just by looking at him, not to say anything to Octavia, while miller, once one of the 100, was tying her hands. After all, eyes-conversations had always been easy for them.

 

She couldn't believe that she would have died in that way, that day, after years of struggling to survive in the ground alone, after years of surviving and hoping she would have been able to see her friends, her mom, bellamy, again, she would have died for a murder; after all, it was just another one life she took for the well being of the most, of the people she loved.

The only thing that could reassure her was that she knew Madi would have been safe, and, hopefully, after everything had finished, she could have been happy again in the valley, together with bellamy taking care of her.

Clarke knew it, she made him promise her that he would have protected Madi, no matter what, and she had faith in him.

 

While she was slowly drowning in her sad thoughts she heard footsteps moving closer, and for a bunch of moments she thought her hour had arrived; she tried to prepare herself: she was dying to protect the ones she loved, and she didn't think there was a better way to die.

In that moment, her mind went to bellamy: everything they've been through, everything they've done together, everything they've faced; it is said that when you certainly know you're going to die, your mind makes you realize who you really love, because those people are the ones that make you want to live, because you want to have more days to be with them.

But actually, clarke griffin didn't need to be ready to die (she had been so many times now) to realize who she loved.

She already knew it.

She knew it was him.

Maybe she had realized it during those 6 years that forced them to be separated.

Maybe that damned day at Becca's lab, more than 6 years before.

Or maybe even before, maybe the day they arrived on the earth and bellamy didn't leave her a second since then.

Maybe she already knew, in the deepest part of her heart, that bellamy owned every single part of it. 

 

When all the thoughts about the man who she loved but who didn't know it became too many, the cell's door was opened with a high noise.

There she was, she was expecting to see Octavia or some woncru guards, or even miller, who didn'tlook Nathan anymore, instead, when she turned around, she saw bellamy standing there.

She immediately stood up and ran towards him.

 

"Bellamy!" she couldn't believe he was there, her voice filled with relief, while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

 

"Oh thanks god, clarke." he clung to her, one arm around her hips, one behind her head, heavily touching her blonde hair.

 

She wouldn't have expected to see bellamy before dying, but she was grateful to be able to hold him one more time before going to the other side.

 

After a few seconds of intense silence filled with all the relief they were feeling for seeing each other again, clarke pulled herself away only to meet bellamy's teary eyes.

 

"What are you doing here, bellamy?" She was clearly confused, she had a lot of questions that bowled into her head.

 

"I came here to save you."

Clarke frowned. 

"What? Wh— where's Madi? And where's Octavia?"

Clarke didn't seem to understand.

 

"Madi's safe for now, I told her I would have gone for her after releasing you."

He hesitated in answering to the second question, and clarke noticed it.

She inclined her head, trying to figure out what was happening and why he was there, but when she opened her mouth to ask something bellamy preceded her.

 

"Octavia's not a problem anymore, at least for— for now." His voice cracked, it seemed like this was harder to say than he thought.

 

"Bellamy what happened?"

 

"I took her out, clarke. As you said... I—" he made a deep breath, looked up trying to catch the tears back. "I used Monty's algae. She's gonna be out for a while, and we'll use this time to make the deal with diyoza..."

 

Clarke couldn't believe at what she was hearing.

It was like one of those dreams she had during the 6 years she spent without him; she had dreamt about him several times and this looked like one of those times she thought she had bellamy under her eyes and when she woke up he was gone.

But this time, after Clarke closed and opened again her eyes as for trying to wake herself up, she realized he was still there. It was real...he was real.

 

"Why? What did you do, Bellamy..."

 

"The right thing. What I had to do. You taught me that."

 

Clarke gave bellamy a second, confused look, then it became more concerned than confused; she tried to find any sign of regret in his face, in his voice, but she didn't find it. There was just pain, but no regret.

He had either gone crazy or he was too good at hiding his emotions.

 

"But she's your sister, bellamy"

 

"I know, clarke." he angrily screamed it louder than he wanted to, pausing before saying her name.

"But you thought about it before me, didn't you?"

a pause that seemed forever, then he continued: "this was the only choice."now his voice was lower.

 

Clarke made a sad smile at those two words, remembering their cute conversation about oxymorons they had at Becca's lab. 

"But it is different; I can think about taking your sister out because blodreina was out of control and we needed her out for a while to save everyone, but you wouldn't think about killing your own sister, I know you. You said it yourself, bellamy... you spent all day telling me we wouldn't have done it. Wh—"

 

"I know this, clarke! What do you think? I know!

But sometimes we have to make a choice..."

 

Clarke knew he was right, actually, she was the one who could understand him perfectly. She had made so many hard choices, just to save her people.

But, even then, she knew bellamy blake better than anyone else, he wouldn't have done something like that to his little sister, not even then that darkness made her become something that definitely wasn't Octavia Blake.

 

"But why did you change your mind?"

 

Bellamy moved his eyes from hers to the ground, and made a few steps behind

It was like he was trying to hide her something, to not say something he really needed to say, it was like he was pushing her away, once again since they came back from the space.

For bellamy it was too hard to be next to her, to be so close to her. It was hard pushing her away, but it was harder being so close and not being able to do what he wanted to.

His feelings for clarke were so strong that he would have grabbed her, in that moment, and told her everything he felt, but he felt guilty toward echo so he was trying to fight every single instinct in him.

 

He turned himself around so that he wouldn't have had to watch her. "We should go." That's the only thing he was able to whisper.

 

Clarke could feel all the pain he was feeling in that moment, she could literally feel his pain and she would have done anything that was in her power to tear it away from him.

She understood that what he had done was probably the hardest thing he did in his whole life, but still she didn't understand why he was acting like that.

She moved closer to him, and when they were again close enough, she put her hand in his shoulder.

 

Bellamy felt everything, only by one of her simplest touches.

 

"Just tell me what is happening, bell..."

 

He tried to pull himself together; caught another deep breath, he dried out a tear that was laying in his cheek with his shirt's sleeve, and turned around.

Clarke's eyes were there and looked him like they wanted answers.

She deserved them.

After all, he was doing what he had promised to do to two of the most important people of his life and also to himself: he was keeping Madi safe, and he was not letting anything bad happen to clarke.

 

"Clarke, o was going to kill you."

 

"So— so it was her or me"

it wasn't exactly a question but it looked like it by her voice's tone.

 

He nodded slightly.

 

"So—" she repeated it. "So— you chose me."

Clarke was just trying to understand better what he had done. She knew bellamy would have done anything to save her, they both did so many things to save the other since when they knew each other, but it was out of discussion that bellamy would have chosen someone over his sister, so Clarke's reaction was understandable.

 

"I did." he swallowed, then took a small step closer. "And I do not regret it. I would do it, again and again."

 

"Why?" The question was obvious. Clarke now wanted to know everything.

 

"Why?" He asked her with a worried expression.

"Why?" He repeated as his voice went louder.

"I can't lose you, clarke! Not again!" Now he was shouting everything he kept for too long.

"I couldn't let her kill you. I— I would not have handled it... not again..."

he repeated that «not again» a second time in the same sentence, like to make her notice that the first time left him so broken he would have done literally anything to keep her alive this time.

 

"But...your sister, your—"

 

"My responsibility, yeah." He giggled out of nowhere, remembering what he said right after positing his sister. Then continued:

"Exactly. If there was a person who had to do it it was me."

 

"But... why are you doing that, then?"

Clarke had an interested expression in her face.

 

"Doing what?"

 

"Pushing me away. You've done it since you arrived here, and now you're doing it again"

 

"I'm not—" he closed his eyes and then reopened them: "listen, clarke, we don't have much time, we have to take Madi and go, please."

He turned himself and went straight to the door but Clarke's hand stopped him by his arm before he could move away again.

 

Clarke had to understand now, there was no way back.

"See? Again. Stop pushing me away, stop pushing me away..." while she repeated she turned around to look bellamy into his eyes, her hands slowly went from his back, then around his hips and finally to his chest, and now she found herself being in front of him.

"...stop pushing me away, stop pushing me away!" She eventually said louder when she was finally face to face with him.

 

"I am not pushing you away! I came here to rescue you, I saved you!" He shouted with all the anger he had kept until then.

 

"I know! And that's what I can't explain myself! Why did you choose me? Me over your sister, your sister who you came down here to protect, who you love more than anyone else—" - at this bellamy sighed and almost jumped in his place - "— your sister who you'd do anything to protect... your blood."

 

Bellamy was deeply looking at her like clarke had answered herself yet with that sentence «who you love more than anyone else.»

 

"Maybe she's not the person I love the most now."

 

"What?"

 

He tried to recover himself like he wasn't ready to tell those words: "....she's...she's changed, clarke. She's not Octavia anymore... and I had to make a choice,

.

.

.

you or her."

 

The silence after this lasted like just one second, then she opened her eyes more, amazed.

"So it's me."

 

"It's you." He confirmed cold.

 

"Bellamy but..."

she moved a step closer, now they were closer than they've ever been before probably, then shouted at him:

"Why? Why— why me?!"

 

 

 

 

"Because i love you! I love you, more than anything.. Clarke.."

He opened his mouth like he just realized what he had just said.

She was standing there in front of him, immobile, petrified.

"When— when it comes to you, I can't control me! I don't know what I have...it's like, I would do anything, literally anything, just to keep you alive. To save you. When it comes to you... my heart doesn't want to hear reasons."

 

Clarke's eyes were now filled with tears, probably in large part of joy; she had hoped to hear those words so many times, she had tried to imagine them, and now that bellamy was there in front of her and was shouting her everything he felt for god only knows how much time, it felt like her heart started beating again, finally.

 

Bellamy couldn't handle her silence. "Clarke... please, say something..."

 

"I—" she opened her mouth but nothing came out.

Then she found the words: "you did this, for me?"

 

At that point bellamy had found the courage to speak, it was now or never.

"Yes. And i'd do so much more for you, god, clarke, you have no idea..." he kept moving closer to her as he spoke "it's like— it's like I want to listen to my head, but when it comes to you... everything my head tells me is to follow my heart."

 

Clarke didn't move and let bellamy move closer, she would have done it too if she wasn't still too shocked because of the confession.

But at least she could speak, while a tear fell down by her eye she said "you know...I've never wanted you to feel like you felt during those years...you don't have to feel guilty, you did what you had to do. Like always..." she giggled out of control while another tear fell down. "Long road from whatever the hell we want."

 

He smiled softly, now even his eyes were filled with tears. "Yeah... well, this time I'm not doing the right thing, I'm doing what I want to do." and he moved closer and closer to her; now their faces were so close that their noses could almost touch.

 

Clarke swallowed, then took all the strength she still had to talk, to say it: "you're not the only one who wants to follow his heart..." 

 

She moved her eyes from his eyes to his lips, she literally couldn't move her eyes somewhere else, she was like hypnotized.

 

"And what does your heart say?" he asked her looking at her pink lips.

 

"...same as yours." She whispered as she grabbed his head.

 

Bellamy couldn't contain himself anymore and wrapped Clarke's hips and pulled her closer, their lips finally touched, and everything felt like it had to be.

Their lips moved in sync, Bellamy's hands discovering all Clarke's body lines, tying her closer and closer trying to eliminate the distance between their bodies, clarke grabbed Bellamy's hair and never let it go during the whole kiss.

His hands moved from her back to behind her thighs, and softly lifted her from the floor, while Clarke legs automatically wrapped around Bellamy's body.

 

Bellamy's lips went from her lips to behind her ear, then to her neck, she tasted so good he couldn't believe they had lost all that time.

Clarke's hands were holding his head pressed to her neck, their body were now one, they now shared the same air, the same heart.

Then bellamy came back to Clarke's lips, kissed them one last time, softly bite them and smiling.

 

It wasn't just a kiss.

It was the kiss.

The kiss they'd been waiting for their whole life.

 

Bellamy slowly let clarke go and her feet now touched the floor again; they both were looking at each other in the eyes, lost one in the other.

 

Bellamy let go a little laugh: he was happy, he didn't care if it was the right thing or not, she made him happy, that's all that mattered in that moment.

Clarke saw his funny expression: "what?" She asked him smiling.

 

"I won't lose you again, clarke griffin. I promise you."

 

Clarke looked at him with tears in her eyes, but smiling at those words.

She moved closer again, took his head in her hands, placed her mouth right in front of him and, looking first at his lips turned red because of the kiss, and then at his eyes, whispered everything she'd ever wanted to tell him:

"I love you too, bellamy."

He smiled like he had never done before, and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her closer and closer; a different hug this time.

 

Still lost in the hug, with his chin in Clarke's shoulder, bellamy whispered in her ear: "this is how we get to peace."

 

Clarke freed herself from the hug but only to place another soft, slow, filled-with-love kiss in his amazing lips; then their forehead touched, and clarke knew everything would have gone well.

She had all she needed... bellamy was there, with her.

They finally knew now, to win the war, to get to peace, they didn't have to fight what they hated, they had to protect what they loved, and there was no other person that bellamy or clarke loved more than the other.


End file.
